Change your perspective: Be Positive!

How often do you get stuck in negative thoughts? It can happen to any of us, but when it does, we stop being productive. Sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective.

Step back

If you are frustrated at how things are going, take a step back. Maybe several steps back. 

Try to look at the issue from another perspective, maybe several other perspectives. 

Changing your perspective can help problem solve. Step back and look at it from other angles. This is a great way to build resilience and be successful. #growthmindset #perspective

Things we can’t change

We can’t change what others say or do. The weather is beyond our control. What’s in the past is already done. 

We can change none of those things. But that doesn’t mean we need to stay stuck in the rut of accepting those things as they are.

Focus on things you can control to help solve problems. Find more positive tips in the post. #perspective #positivethinking

Things we can control

There are a lot of things we can learn to control.

Sometimes it’s as simple as learning to take a few breaths to allow our brain to sort through things before we say something we regret. Collect thoughts and then plan what to say. 

Choose your reaction

If you don’t like what someone’s saying, you can choose to react one way or another. That choice will help determine what that person says in response.

If you show anger, belittle them, or respond in any negative way, the situation will probably spiral downward.

When you take a few big breaths and carefully choose words that help show your perspective without putting theirs down, it can help.

Humor often helps, as long as you don’t belittle others in the joke.

Try it on

An even better response is one that you acknowledge their perspective, step back and try it on.

If their idea or angle might work, even though you initially didn’t like it, then stay open to it.

What can you both agree upon to make their idea work for you? Or to make your idea work for them?

Of course if you are not okay with something because it’s not safe or doesn’t align with your morals, you shouldn’t cower back and accept it.

Have an open dialog and come to an agreement.

Look for what you can control

We certainly can’t make a rainy day sunny, but we can dress for the weather appropriately and make alternative plans if the weather prevents our original plan from happening. 

Stop reliving the past

Changing your perspective can help problem solve. Step back and look at it from other angles. This is a great way to build resilience and be successful. #growthmindset

Too often we dwell in past mistakes.

We can’t change what’s already done, but we can learn from those mistakes.

Don’t miss the opportunity to use experiences to help you grow.

Regrets only cause insecurities and sadness.

Stop regretting things that have happened in your life.

It won’t change the fact that they happened.

What can you do to grow from the experience? How can you make that situation better in the future?

Blame is never productive.

Whether you blame yourself or someone else for something that happened, it doesn’t change what happened.

What can you do to make something good out of the situation? Is there something you can do to prevent something similar from happening again? What needs to be done to set things right?

Changing your perspective can help problem solve. Step back and look at it from other angles. This is a great way to build resilience and be successful. #learnfrommistakes #growthmindset

No regrets

Regretting and pointing fingers both keep us from learning about our mistakes.

Take ownership and accept consequences when appropriate. Then use this as a part of the learning experience, grow, and move on.

Another perspective on mistakes

If you never open yourself up for failure and play it too safe, you’ll never grow. Taking chances is the only way to stretch ourselves to aim higher than we ever felt possible. 

Taking chances is a way to stretch ourselves and grow. #growthmindset #healthyrisks

Take risks 

This does not mean I want you to take unsafe chances. It’s not okay to put your life or someone else’s life in danger.

Racing a motorcycle without a helmet in the rain is just stupid. Vaping is dangerous to your health. Getting drunk can have serious consequences. These are not the type of risks taking I’m talking about.

Take a risk by trying a new sport or audition for a play.

Step outside your comfort zone.

Start a conversation with someone new.

Challenge yourself to learn something you’ve never tried before, like a new language or about a different culture.

These are great opportunities to mess up or feel insecure initially. But they offer a chance to grow and learn.

Take some risk in life by stepping outside your comfort zone to grow! #growthmindset

Get help analyzing

Sometimes we’re so set in our way of thinking that it’s hard to change our perspective.

Ask friends and family for help.

Listen to other’s opinions with an open mind. How does their view of the issue differ from your own? Does this change your opinion at all?

Rewind

Take the time to rewind and rethink a situation that didn’t end well. 

What happened?

At what points (if any) could you have said or done something differently?

How could that have changed the outcome?

Although you can’t change the past, you certainly can use this experience to change how you approach similar situations in the future.

Move forward

After taking the time to reflect and learn, you must move on.

You cannot dwell on any one situation indefinitely.

Learn from your mistake and use that knowlege for life.

Your best teacher is your last mistake. #learnfrommistakes #growthmindset #adhd

5 Self Confidence Boosters Part 1: Stop Negativity

Do you feel like you’re the bad kid? Are you always getting in trouble for speaking out of turn or forgetting to turn in homework? Do you feel stupid because you make careless mistakes on tests? How can you boost your self-confidence? Negativity can get us down and hold us back, so stopping it is the first of the many ways we can boost our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Top 5 Self Confidence Boosters:

1. Stop Negativity
2. Be Positive
3. Finish Tasks
4. Self Care (The Big 3: Eat well, exercise, and sleep)
5. Help Others

Today is Part 1 of a 5 part series of how to build confidence. I hope you check back next week for more!

I’m starting with what many will find to be the hardest of the 5 ways to boost confidence. I like to get the hard stuff out of the way first. But I also think that negativity is one of the biggest problems for people with ADHD – and people in general.

Stop the Negativity.

Everyone says it, so it must be true?

When we hear over and over again that we’re not good because we forgot to do something or that we’re not doing a good job at whatever we’re supposed to be doing (like sitting quiet and still) we start to feel bad.

We assume everyone’s right that we’re not good enough or we’re stupid.

That’s human nature – we take on the beliefs of what we hear over and over again. People with ADHD are especially sensitive when it comes to things like this. Maybe it’s because it’s just the way they are. Or maybe it’s because after time and time of being told something, they just break down and start to believe it. It’s what everyone else thinks, so it must be right, right?

Wrong.

ADHD comes with many challenges, but most people with it are not bad or stupid. Some ADHDers try really, really hard… but it’s just too hard to stay focused, organized, still, and everything else that we’re supposed to do.

Stop the negative self talk.

When you start to believe in the negatives, you need to really consider if it’s true or not. Stop the negative self talk.

Pretend you’re talking to a friend instead of talking to yourself. We tend to be nicer and more forgiving towards others. We’re our own harshest critics. What would you tell a friend if you were trying to reassure him or her?

If you think ~
  • I’ll never finish this assignment on time.
  • I can’t write well.
  • Math isn’t my thing. I am never going to understand it.
  • Those kids will never like me. They won’t understand me.
Stop.

Stop thinking those thoughts that you’ve probably had over and over in your mind. They aren’t facts. Think of the facts and what you can to about them.

Be careful. Feelings are much louder than facts. You really have to focus on what is factual and not just how you interpret things. This can sound really difficult, but try the exercise described in Don’t Think of Pink Elephants.

Practice.

It takes time, but it’s so worth the effort!

Try using this powerful trick.

Stop bringing yourself down.

There are things that many of us tend to do that make us feel sad.

Being alone…

If we stay alone in our room, we tend to feel worse about things. I read this great analogy with a creaky house that helps to explain the issue. Read the whole thing from the hyperlink if you have time.

An excerpt from THE OLD CREAKY HOUSE: ONE WAY TO FIGHT DEPRESSION:

Depression is like a creaky house.  It will creak and creak, no matter what you do.  You’ll notice the noise more sitting quietly in your room.  You’ll notice it less if you throw a party.  Depression is similar – the feelings of sadness/guilt/apathy are likely going to keep on creaking (you can’t just “stop being depressed.”)  However, you’ll notice them less if you keep yourself busy.  And, sitting quietly in your room can make you feel even more sad/guilty – in this way, depression can be a vicious cycle.  It can control your life, it can be a bully.

Instead of going to your room and closing the door, sit in the family room. Stay at the dinner table a little longer before jumping up to be alone. Make real conversations with people instead of texting. Connect with your friends and family.

Complaining.

When we complain about all the bad things (homework, that annoying kid in math class, how much work there is to do) we feel worse. Our brain is focusing on the negative, which just brings us down.

It also makes others not want to be around us. That adds to our low self-esteem.

Thinking and Rethinking what you did wrong.

We’ve all messed up. We do embarrassing things. Sometimes we fully intend to finish something, but then we’re distracted away and forget to return.

Use whatever the problems you’ve had as learning experiences. Stop blaming yourself. Don’t keep thinking on what you did wrong. Change the thinking into what you could have done instead to have things turn out better. Try that improvement next time.

Turning to negative habits.

Sometimes we feel so low that we want to try unhealthy ways to feel better. Some people try alcohol, marijuana, or other drugs. Others try cutting or other harmful behaviors.

Unfortunately people with ADHD are more likely to have problem behaviors with drugs, alcohol, and other dangerous behaviors. The impulsivity, low self-esteem and risk taking behaviors that are common among people with ADHD put them at risk.

If you find yourself struggling with these issues, please talk to a trusted adult. Once these habits start, they’re really hard to break. Don’t try to handle it alone! Help is out there.

If you ever feel like you’d be better off dead or want to harm yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for 24/7, free and confidential help. 1-800-273-8255

Tune in next week…

Next week will not be so much of a down topic! It’s all about being positive.

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Negative self talk can make everything seem worse. Learn to stop the negativity!
Negative self talk can make everything seem worse. Learn to stop the negativity!

Also recommended…

Anger and ADHD: How to Build up Your Brakes: Jessica at How To ADHD has some great tips on learning to control your anger and emotions. From her summary: Impulsivity is one of the main characteristics of ADHD, and building up our brakes is one of the most important things we can do. Here’s the science behind it and 5 things that help.